Mixed Up…even more

Why does sex play such a defining role in relationships?  Sounds like a dumb question,  right?  I mean it is the most intimate experience that can be shared between two human beings.  It bonds a relationship together,  and in some cases creates a pact of loyalty.   Yes, even some guys follow this code.

So say a couple has been together a while, and their relationship has come out of the “rushing river” phase,  and the sex starts to wane.  Sure, this could be an indication of other problems in the relationship, but in my case, there was a sort of justification for filling the void.  Maybe not justifiable.   And what constitutes crossing the line?  For some, like me, it is the physical act.  I do not consider online chatting to cross the line.  To some, the mere thought is cheating, and to others any type of intimate relationship that doesn’t involve touch is cheating.  If most people feel that anything other than the physical act is still cheating, maybe I should have been at the bar down the street,  and had the real experience.  But I won’t do that.

Usually, when a relationship is formed, there are certain ground rules, which would end the relationship. Now, with my wife,  these ground rules were laid 20 years ago.  Cheating was it.

I have said here before recently that if my wife needed to have an affair to seem more like herself again, then so be it.  Now, I’m thinking that if I allowed that, that I would never get back the part of my marriage that was missing, the sex and the real connection, because she would be giving it to someone else.  I had never liked the idea of an open marriage.  It seemed pointless.   It’s just not the kind of  openess I’m looking for. It seems more honest to divorce and find partners who get who you are today, if there is no hope of restarting the fire.

 Welllllll, now I see some things I didn’t before.   Say there’s 2 sides to the equation, the unfulfilled one who seeks companionship,  and the other partner who may be unaware of the situation or the problem at first.

To the unfulfilled one, they may have started a relationship with their spouse  with some ground rules.  So say it’s cheating.  Again, my idea is physical,  when you actually are together with someone, flesh on flesh.   Others may have a different opinion,  but my wife knows I have had online chats before in the distant past  because I have told her in a heart to heart.  She did not seem so disappointed in this, and we had more important things on our minds.  Anyway, I digress…

On the other side is the partner that this is happening to.  If they find out, there can be all kinds of emotions: anger, jealousy,  and overall disappointment.   If they don’t find out, the other partner still senses changes in how they interact with their partner.  That may be enough for some to call it quits.

For me, I always knew I would not cross the line physically.  I also know that I could not have any kind of relationship with someone if they decided to have a physical relationship outside of their marriage.  Even if they did not have that arrangement with their spouse, I could not.  This is a personal choice.  I do no judge what anyone else needs to do to find fulfillment in their life.  I only know what works for me.

So in this awesome honest and open relationship, which I have never experienced before in my life, I am now faced with the possibility that GDG ‘ S need for physical touch may end our relationship. She had her own PLR before we met that had been pursuing her for some time.  Now, she is considering romantic involvement because of the physical touch I cannot give her.    I made her promise to tell me if she decides to go that route.  She thought it was a fair call.  I am anxious.  She has added so much to my life.  The possibility of having to let that go…I don’t even want to think about.  She even told me she loves me, but does not love the other person.  That doesn’t make any difference to me on this matter.  I want her to be happy, and it would hurt to let this special bond break.  I have half-measures from my spouse.  I don’t need that from a lover.

When I was single, it was understood that if you went out with someone,  you might not be the only one.  It wasnt A problem.   Now, I want someone to take all of the passion I can share, but I want all of them, and only them.  If we grow tired of each other, at some point, fine, but until then, I want their full sexual and emotional fury.

Truth be told, I want this from my wife, but I don’t know if we ll ever get back to that point.  My kids still depend on me, but it just doesn’t seem right to stagnate “in the name of love”


Author: fight4urlover

So about me... I'm a middle-aged guy, married 15+ years with kids. I love my wife, and have never so much as kissed another woman the entire time we have been married. When we first met, we had both been cheated on, and we decided that we would not cheat on each other. I think we have both teetered on the edge. Like most married couples, over the years, we have given each other plenty of reasons to build resentment at times. So this space is a personal reflection of my journey of attempting to remain married and true. That's why I started this first-ever blog. The goal is to avoid sounding like one of those "perfect" articles of someone who sounds like they are giving advice. This all comes from personal experience or from talking to other people, married and single, and I want to keep it raw. To me that's more exciting than a well-researched topic. Everyone can relate to this on a human level. I know that guys like to get to the point, and ladies like a good story with plenty of details, so I'll try to find a balance. Strap in and let's ride!

4 thoughts on “Mixed Up…even more”

    1. Well a great deal has happened that I have not posted on yet…it is a long story with many twists and turns…Tears and bliss..have not really stopped to put these thoughts down yet. I have read through some followers posts in some of few moments of downtime…I was wondering how you were doing…your picture was no longer on your profile….the flower or whatever that was..hard to tell on a little circle…anyway, I thought your account may have been closed, so glad to hear from you. I will get this all out there eventually. .take care, hugs

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I completely understand – that’s me as well (need to put my thoughts down). Weird about my avi – I’ll look into that 🙂 looking forward to an update from you. I’ll be out of town on business next week and hope to post then as well. Xoxo


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