Things that make you go hmm…

I wake up this morning at 4 am to the sound of my wife’s phone vibrating like crazy.  I look over on the night stand and the display is still on, she is fake sleeping.

I get up and come out of rest room and she is rearranging the covers in the dark to lay down.  Phone display dark now…

Interesting to see how this all plays out.  We had been getting along better.   Maybe because we’re both using a third party?  Mine is not physical.  Don’t know in her case.  Relationships are weird after 20 years with someone.

Tonight can’t get time of day.  I was pissed at the pouty, cold attitude,  but it would bother me moreif I didn’t have someone who was actually glad to hear from me.  

 Wife and I are going on a trip in a couple months.  Just us.  Will be interesting how that car ride plays out.  Got some things I’d like to know.  Do I enjoy some time to unwind, or get to the heart of what’s wrong with us lately?  I wouldn’t mind if she felt like she had to go at this point.  Easy to say when you have someone in the next room I guess, even if they are vacant when it comes to noticing you.   Just tired.  Only time she talks to me is to say something to fix, buy or otherwise needs something.   Nothing ever between us.  Tired of looking for signs of life in this relationship. …Why do I keep trying?   I would feel much better if I didn’t try,  but maybe that’s exactly what she’s done…stop trying.    Seems to only create more misery in trying to duck responsibility.  I can’t live that way.  Whatever is bringing her down, not sure she’d even accept a hand up, or any support from me…only because it’s me.  I feel like the bad guy, but I’m not gonna feel bad.  Just feels like can’t win.

Thank goodness for my online friend GDG.   She keeps me grounded, and I feel like there’s someone in this world that I matter to.

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Author: fight4urlover

So about me... I'm a middle-aged guy, married 15+ years with kids. I love my wife, and have never so much as kissed another woman the entire time we have been married. When we first met, we had both been cheated on, and we decided that we would not cheat on each other. I think we have both teetered on the edge. Like most married couples, over the years, we have given each other plenty of reasons to build resentment at times. So this space is a personal reflection of my journey of attempting to remain married and true. That's why I started this first-ever blog. The goal is to avoid sounding like one of those "perfect" articles of someone who sounds like they are giving advice. This all comes from personal experience or from talking to other people, married and single, and I want to keep it raw. To me that's more exciting than a well-researched topic. Everyone can relate to this on a human level. I know that guys like to get to the point, and ladies like a good story with plenty of details, so I'll try to find a balance. Strap in and let's ride!

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