Sometimes in relationships the best and worst things happen when you’re not paying attention.   In my case the latter applies today.

Let me start by saying that yesterday,  I was on top of the world.  Feeling really good about things and people in my life.  Out of seemingly nowhere,  things went horribly off track due to a communication issue with my GDG.  

Worst part is, after talking it over a little, we were both seeing something other than the truth of what was happening in the moment.  In my case, I felt I was interrupting a beautiful moment.  I felt this was personal to my GDG,  felt a bit like an outsider,  and that I did not belong there…She was surrounded by family and answering texts and talking smack with friends during a sports match.  So, I told her to enjoy the moment and excused myself.  Problem is, GDG wanted me in that moment.  I was part of it to her, regardless of how I felt.  When I left, it was seen as uninterested in what was going on…         I was put off by the short answer, basically telling me to get lost when I was seen as uninterested.     Honestly,  there was nowhere else I would have liked to be. 

Did I not see myself as worthy of inclusion?  We always put each other’s families and marriages first, which is an interesting dynamic in our relationship. Is it because I came in on a situation that I was not familiar with the teams or sport, and made an excuse so that I felt justified leaving? It’s true that I don’t care about sports, but was enjoying the moment though.   Whatever the case,  perception is reality in most cases.  So that means we’ve both had a shitty couple of hours.

So this got me thinking.   Are the same patterns happening in our marriages?   If so, how many wonderful times were missed because of preconceived notions between husband and wife.  Forget the general terms…what is going on in my case?  This is an answer you cannot get right without speaking to your partner.  Questions questions questions. ..When a couple is together for a while, they can get annoyed that their partner does not already know what they want.  “You don’t know that about me?”, etc….Thing about people is they are always changing.  We have to be patient with our partners sometimes when they ask us questions.  Do they ask the same question repeatedly at times? Maybe they are really uncertain about how to move forward on something, even if they already know the answer.  They may just want assurance that what applied in a situation previously is still the case today.  So the next time your partner asks you a bunch of questions,  don’t get annoyed with them.  They may be trying to figure out something to make your relationship or an experience you are doing together better.   But you have to ask, not assume!!!!!!!  Answer not get annoyed!!!!  I’m as guilty as anyone. 


Author: fight4urlover

So about me... I'm a middle-aged guy, married 15+ years with kids. I love my wife, and have never so much as kissed another woman the entire time we have been married. When we first met, we had both been cheated on, and we decided that we would not cheat on each other. I think we have both teetered on the edge. Like most married couples, over the years, we have given each other plenty of reasons to build resentment at times. So this space is a personal reflection of my journey of attempting to remain married and true. That's why I started this first-ever blog. The goal is to avoid sounding like one of those "perfect" articles of someone who sounds like they are giving advice. This all comes from personal experience or from talking to other people, married and single, and I want to keep it raw. To me that's more exciting than a well-researched topic. Everyone can relate to this on a human level. I know that guys like to get to the point, and ladies like a good story with plenty of details, so I'll try to find a balance. Strap in and let's ride!

6 thoughts on “Trainwreck”

  1. Communication is key in every relationship – you are so spot on here! This is something I’m actively working on because if something doesn’t go the way I planned or assumed, my head gets the best of me and comes up with irrational scenarios and my anxiety kicks in. It’s a terrible pattern. If I would have just asked, I would have learned quickly why XYZ did or did not happen.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Getting really pissed, really honest was the only way I was able to arrive at this conclusion. Glad I didn’t just have a fit and walk away from the discomfort. Sounds like you are facing things head on yourself, come what may. .Wish you the best

      Liked by 1 person

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