If you’re struggling to make sense about what’s going on in more recent posts, WELCOME!!
So what’s new? My GDG told me that she and husband had a wonderful day together. My wife was alone running errands, and I sent her a text letting her know the house was empty, so maybe we could meet up. Timing wasn’t good. No surprise there. Still, in my mind, it is the gesture. This year, I am trying to show her I still love her, even though these feelings have been buried, and she may feel nothing for me, or has turned herself off to me. I was not sure I still loved my wife until my GDG showed me the proof. Thank you GDG!!!
All the same, I don’t think I can continue living life unfulfilled. Meaning, there are changes that will happen this year, better or worse. Will my wife feel a change within herself that makes her feel better about herself, and can open herself to me? Will I continue being just dad, and father of children, or will my wife start to see me as a partner? Will my inspiration and source of the truest love continue to flow from the non-physical, or can I actually experience this in my physical life, in my marriage?
I am not going to be a quitter, but my best effort is all I can give. My wife and I are old enough to say what we need, and young and vibrant enough to live a fulfilling life for many years with partners that make us feel appreciated, and loved in the way we need to be loved.
GDG and I already made a commitment to each other this year. We are pushing ourselves to become better people, to make our marriages better, and to lean on each other when we struggle. That is exactly the thing I want in my marriage. I already know that life can be like this ideally. Sure, GDG and I do not have to deal with bills, and everyday life in general. That’s part of what makes our connection special. We both realize, the beginning phase of a relationship only lasts so long, and that everyday life would probably change what we had if being together was even an option. It’s why we cherish love in the purest, trusting, unconditional form that we are experiencing now.
I am not an emotional guy, but have found myself overwhelmed with a mixture of contentment, acceptance, gratitude and yearning for what life can offer if you open yourself up to it. Don’t get me wron…there have been some struggles within myself to allow myself to trust and become open. Anyway, I am walking around shopping yesterday, and tears start rolling. Some people say tears are a waste. For tears of sadness brought about from past events that can’t be changed, that may be the case. But the tears I shed are different. They come from the present moment, and the hope of a better future. In that same store, I saw a couple walk by. The guy, was joking to the woman about having a little high maintenance in her, and laughing. The woman was not upset and they continued their walk around the store smiling. They had already accepted each other for who they are, and were beautiful together.
At another level with GDG, when you are happy that someone you love got what they needed from their physical partner, and you don’t become jealous because you know they still love you to your core, it is just amazing. It makes no sense to most, myself included, but I can’t deny the truth. All the same, the thought of being without her, or as just friends is something I do not want to face in the near future, if ever. Might as well face it I’m addicted to love. Love you All.