So this one obviously may contain some content that not everyone will want to view. This will not become explicit, but if the title makes you uncomfortable, you may want to look for another article. Also, kink is really just getting a mention here, so heads up this is not really going down that road either.
This sums up exactly what is missing in my marriage right now. Now I have never really been that kinky in the bedroom, but I have to say that it is definitely a turn on. The only thing that would hold you back from that pleasure is fear, and we all know that everything we ever wanted is on the other side of fear. Maybe your partner cannot make that step with you. In a lot of instances, including mine, that is probably the case. I would venture that this is fantasty, so this departure from the norm in the bedroom is not going to degrade a person morally. If you want it, own it. If you are not comfortable in that situation, fine. That is your personal preference. But that longing to be sexual when you are wired that way never goes away. It doesn’t define, but does explain part of who we are in some cases. That part cannot be denied any more than whether a person is born with a certain eye color. You know who you are.
I recently commented on another followers blog that I do not believe in unicorns or the perfect match in a partner, but don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater if you are fulfilled in many other ways with your partner. The bigger issue is acceptance. Can your partner accept you for who you are today? Were they honest with themselves, years ago in some cases, when they said they took you for who you are, or did they agree to a relationship based on the potential they saw in you? If the later is the case, it can make for a bumpy ride. Are they just sticking together because of “family”? What kind of example are you setting for your kids when there is an absence of closeness in your relationship? Kids see through the BS, and by the time they are teenagers, they have no problem telling you as much in their moments of angst. Or maybe we tell ourselves,”Hey, it’s not that bad..it’s not like we are arguing all the time. Isn’t it normal that most couples disagree over the course of a relationship?” Sure it is. What are the disagreements over? That is the better question. If you are arguing about a home improvement, or where to go for dinner? That’s normal. Arguing about an issue that goes against the core values of one partner? Now that’s an issue. It’s not fair to ask someone to be someone they are not, because that’s the way you want them. Now in some cases, people would just like to be with SOMEONE else. Doesn’t matter that much, as it beats being alone.
Well, for me, that’s just not good enough anymore. If you don’t accept me for who I am, it means that you do not really respect me. If you don’t respect me, there is no way you can love me. If you don’t love me, I don’t need you in my life.
Wow, I am reading the last word of the first sentence in the paragraph above this one, which points to the last sentence in the previous paragraph… Was not having to be alone really the basis of my decision to be in the relationship with my wife years ago, or just the way the thought came out? If so, that’s very ironic, because I enjoy spending more of my time alone these days. Don’t get me wrong. I need that human interaction, but at the end of the day, I don’t want a party in my honor, I want a quiet retreat. I’m trying to look at emotions logically, which is probably a mistake, but behind every emotion, there is an underlying thought that provoked it. Just when you think you have a moment of clarity, there comes the confusion again….
So let’s turn this around for a second. Do I accept my wife for who she is? If so, do I accept it because I am tired of arguing about certain things or out of pure unfiltered acceptance? Do I respect her? Yes. I may not always agree, but she has my respect. She does disappoint in failing to take care of herself properly. Eating right, exercising and sleeping enough. That is her issue. I cannot fix that. Do I love her? I cannot answer that question yet, because I cannot answer whether I accept her how she is. I think I just got my answer by not having an easy answer to acceptance. If you accept someone for who they are, it’s an easy yes…I believe I accepted who she once was, but do not fully accept who she is today. It’s not fair to ask her to become who she was 20 years ago..We’ve both grown leaps since then.
So getting down to it..I’m disappointed at not feeling accepted for who I am by my wife, and yet if I’m honest, I have not been accepting her for who she is. This is hard to type, and admit. The next question is “can I or do I want to?” Oh , Jeez….that’s about all I have for the moment. Bye for now friends.