So, not a lot of posts recently.  I think it’s like a tsunami.  These waves of emotion stirred up earlier in the year all came to a head, broke and went everywhere.  Since then, I’ve just been kind of taking things in an surveying the whole scene.

I enjoy reading the posts of my followers to see what is going on with them.  Today, I decided to check out some of my old posts.  There was a statement I made in one post, that I disagree with now.  Yes, I’m conflicted, among other things.

So, I said I would be okay with my wife having an affair if that’s what it took for her to get back to feeling like her old self.  With some of the dreams I have had recently, I realize that is anything but true for me today.  At the time, I mentioned that I had “kind of given up”, and wanted her to be some semblance of who she was.  Well that sounds altruistic, but you know, I don’t feel that way today.  I would be pissed.  My kids love me.  I want my woman to show her love for me, if it’s there.  If not, I will find someone who loves me for who I am at the core.

I walked a lot of the dark shadows of my life over the past couple of months.  I found strength in walking through the dark, but I know the goal is always back to the lighter side of life.  I think any person with real strength has to do this.

I follow a few people here who are well on the way to becoming their own hero, and I want to walk on that same journey do the same for myself.  I don’t need anyone else to do this.  I just need to say no to fear and yes to faith at every turn.  At times it may look like there is no faith to be had, and I will have to build it out of hope, love and experiences that test it.  Sure, I am going to get conflicted, and feel like I am going backwards at times.  Sometimes you have to make a bigger mess to clean things up…




Author: fight4urlover

So about me... I'm a middle-aged guy, married 15+ years with kids. I love my wife, and have never so much as kissed another woman the entire time we have been married. When we first met, we had both been cheated on, and we decided that we would not cheat on each other. I think we have both teetered on the edge. Like most married couples, over the years, we have given each other plenty of reasons to build resentment at times. So this space is a personal reflection of my journey of attempting to remain married and true. That's why I started this first-ever blog. The goal is to avoid sounding like one of those "perfect" articles of someone who sounds like they are giving advice. This all comes from personal experience or from talking to other people, married and single, and I want to keep it raw. To me that's more exciting than a well-researched topic. Everyone can relate to this on a human level. I know that guys like to get to the point, and ladies like a good story with plenty of details, so I'll try to find a balance. Strap in and let's ride!

6 thoughts on “Reflection”

  1. It’s good that you’re getting more clarity on these issues. I am as well. I also realized I needed to hit rock bottom in order to achieve the reflective state which is kinda sad. Its certainly tough as marriage there is no manual book for. We often marry no knowing what the outcome is and really just hope for the best. Hugs!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Being your own hero is a tough road to tow, I think, for those of us who’ve had to fight obstacles we never dreamed of facing….if for no other reason than every day is a fight to be that ‘super-hero’….but…in the end – what other way is there? You’re well on your way, too – whether you can see it yet or not!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Tammi! Like you said, what other way is there? Encouraging to hear I am “in the fight”. Personally, I have to temper that with knowing how many times people give up on their goals when they are just about to meet them, and have to fight even harder…not really knowing where the finish line is.


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