Truth Time

So today on the way to work, I decided I could not take it another day. I told myself that I was going to talk to my personal lightning rod and find out how she really felt about who she was seeing. 

 When I got to work, there she was and I went to get coffee. I came out of the break room and almost froze but I decided it was now or never. I walked over and lay a note down on the desk asking if she had a few minutes to talk

So we get outside and she asked what’s up. this is it. I took a deep breath and told her this is not easy. Then I asked her one question. Do you love who you’re seeing now? She took a second to look at me and then said yes, so I said well there’s really nothing more to say but I owe you this.

 The truth is maybe I owed myself this. I told her how I’ve been torturing myself and needed to know if this was all in my head.   I looked her straight in the eye and said I fucking love you. I told her how I felt like it was kind of like I was Johnny Cash and she was June from the movie Walk the Line. I was ready to walk away from everything, then I asked her if she really really loved the person she was with. The answer was yes.

 I looked her in the eye and said okay and then we had a long hug. You might think I would be upset, or sad but I actually felt at peace. I felt lighter and I could breathe easier because of weight I’ve been carrying all of this time was gone.

 I started to get mad at myself for wasting so much energy on an illusion, At least part of the time it was. Then I realize that was pretty pointless to beat myself up after the fact. Next I thought about what kind of questions this raises about my life now and what I’m missing and what I can give.

 So I guess this closes this chapter. I have some serious thinking to do.

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Author: fight4urlover

So about me... I'm a middle-aged guy, married 15+ years with kids. I love my wife, and have never so much as kissed another woman the entire time we have been married. When we first met, we had both been cheated on, and we decided that we would not cheat on each other. I think we have both teetered on the edge. Like most married couples, over the years, we have given each other plenty of reasons to build resentment at times. So this space is a personal reflection of my journey of attempting to remain married and true. That's why I started this first-ever blog. The goal is to avoid sounding like one of those "perfect" articles of someone who sounds like they are giving advice. This all comes from personal experience or from talking to other people, married and single, and I want to keep it raw. To me that's more exciting than a well-researched topic. Everyone can relate to this on a human level. I know that guys like to get to the point, and ladies like a good story with plenty of details, so I'll try to find a balance. Strap in and let's ride!

6 thoughts on “Truth Time”

  1. Wow. That took courage. I don’t think I ever could have worked up the nerve to just ask her that. And, honestly, it seems like you got the best possible answer. At least the least complicated answer. I hope it provides some closure on that front so you can focus on other things.

    Liked by 1 person

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