So, I decided to take a couple days off for R&R. I did not tell my wife I was off the first day because I wanted it to truly be a day to just go off in nature. I did not want calls or texts. I just wanted to be outside by myself.
I got up at the normal time, grabbed my coffee and headed out to watch the sun rise. It was a cloudy, cool morning so I did not see a sunrise. I grabbed some breakfast and ran a few errands, and then took the dog for a walk. When wrapping up at the dog park in the afternoon, my phone rings. It’s my wife asking “Where are you, and what did you do with the dog?!?”
I explain the situation and she proceeds to call me a “rude motherfucker”. Now, I agree that I probably deserve some of that, and that this does not foster mutual trust. For a “normal” couple the conversation would have probably been like this the night before:
ME: “Hey, I’m taking the day off tomorrow to just relax.”
HER: “Yeah ok. Don’t hurt yourself.”
Problem is, communication is so far broken down, that it is hard to get through a simple conversation. I mentioned to my wife that I felt like everything is blown out of proportion, which is why I did not mention the time off previously. She countered with, “Well, that’s because you are deceitful. You “hid” from your family to take a day off” (and went on to say that she had a long list).
If I came up with some story, it would have all probably been a lot smoother, but no I had to take the high road and tell it like it is. There is a commercial now with a mom who pretends to be sick. When her family leaves, she races out the door to have a girl’s day out, and gets back just in time to flop back in the bed before her family notices. See, I could have played the sick card, but that’s not me.
The words echo “Because you are deceitful…” So, not easy to hear, but I feel like it is progress actually. She actually told me that if I ever wondered why she wasn’t in the mood that it was because of things like this. So I am not going to run from this. In fact, I plan to confront it. Take responsibility, and hear her full “list”, face the truth and see if our relationship just has too many casualties to continue, or if there is a chance it could make it off life support. I think we are both tired, and I really don’t know how this will all turn out. If it was just us, it would have been done and over years ago, but we have kids to think about.
In reality, I have been faithful, but I can see how someone who already sees me as deceitful would never really believe this. Do my behaviors contribute to this belief. I believe so. I am trying to remember when things got off track when we stopped talking to each other like a couple of people who likes and respects each other.