From the moment you say “I do.”, there are forces at work to test every vow. But the force is strong with young lovers. Us against the world motherfuckers! Over time, there may be a series of small and seemingly insignificant injuries, that over time cause a rift. It’s this small gap that can lead to all kinds of trouble.
So, I have remained true to my wife throughout, but I have to admit I have done some pretty stupid things. I can’t remember exactly what it was that caused me to feel distanced just enough from my wife to allow my mind to wander to the dark side. Have you ever felt drawn to risque conversations or even anonymous chats where you take off all the barriers and just tell another person of the opposite sex how you really feel? Well I have, and I guess that makes me an asshole. I did however, learn a lot from these exchanges. That’s why I call it the dark side. Nobody gets stronger or more empowered unless they venture into areas that test them.
First comes the excitement from thinking, “I shouldn’t be doing this right?” Heart rate increases, breathing gets faster as you step into the unknown where you actually feel alive again. I remember anonymously chatting with a woman who said her husband thought of her as the “perfect Catholic mom”, but that she really wanted him to tie her up, spank her ass and tell her what to do forcefully. We talked about the roles that men and women cling to regarding marriage that prevent them from saying those words or taking certain actions. It’s risky, right. You have been a certain way with each other for years and years, and then you have a conversation that could change everything.
I had another happily married woman tell me if you are wondering whether or not to talk dirty…YOU ALWAYS TALK DIRTY. She said that she had tried to ease her husband into realizing this is okay with her, but it has not happenned yet. I get it! Like first of all, will this be seen as a lack of respect? Should there be a conversation up front, or do you take the plunge in a tipsy moment and see what happens, and you can always blame it on the alcohol? If you’re a guy, maybe in your past life, there were women you treated this way, and you want no association like that to be made with the woman you love, who may also be the mother of your children.
There are so many different flavors of what people call sex. Role play, BDSM, furries, fetishes. Some may repulse, but as long as no one is being physically or emotionally harmed, I say to each their own. No matter what flavor you like, everybody knows there are still some basic differences between men and women regarding sex. Another difference between men and women, is that ladies want a good buildup to sex with an emotional connection. Laid out over the course of the day, or several days. If there is a theme or story-even better. For guys, sometimes sex is taking communion with your lover . Other times it is a release in times of stress, and nothing more. Regardless, of when and why, you want your partner to be involved, and not just a fuck toy.
I’m at a point of honesty with the world. My wife knows I have looked at porn, less than appropriate mail has been delivered to our residence, and that there have been some late night anonymous text exchanges. Then again, maybe she doesn’t know they were actually anonymous. I know those things are hurtful, but they would have never have happened if there was a foundation of intimacy. That is on both of us. We did not make it a point to have a day or a few hours JUST FOR US.
It’s easy for so many things to be given priority over intimacy with your lover. Money, job stress, kids…all of these things put demands on your time. The free time you get, you may want to just chill out. So what do you do when your lover approaches? It’s always at the wrong time isn’t it ladies? Guys, is there ever a wrong time? That’s why you need to make it count when the moment arrives.
Either way, it is dawning on me that life is too short. You have to surround yourself with people and situations that make you happy. Nobody else is going to do it. So if you’re out there watching porn or even anonymously sex chatting with someone feeling like less of a person, get the lesson and see if it makes your relationship better. If that’s the glue that gets you through the hard times, don’t judge yourself too harshly and to hell what other people may judge you as. They don’t understand your unique situation, and just need to shut up and ride off on their high and mighty horse. Don’t give up.
And when you are ready, maybe you tell your significant other about how you may want to try some things..maybe you tell them to go to hell. Maybe your tastes are totally different, but out of love, you try different things at different times. Anything to bond together can make you stronger when the real tests come. The ones you never see coming that take you by surprise, and take your breath away, which is the next logical progression for my next post.