MMS – Marriage, Middle Age and Sex


Marriage, Middle Age and Sex, a condition heretofore known as MMS affects millions.  The cure?  Well who the hell knows.  Sometimes there is one, and other times nothing seems to help.  Most seemingly happily married couples I know fall into 1 of 2 categories: Star-crossed lovers that have known they wanted to be with each other from an early age, or 2- divorced and married someone they were more compatible with.  The other 50.1 percent of us may be facing a different situation.

You read posts all the time about couples who have been married for a while falling into this condition I’ll call MMS.  The symptoms for guys are typically described as…well let’s just say not getting enough.  Either that or they want a different bedroom experience than they currently have.  For ladies, the symptoms are feeling a lack of appreciation, gratitude or being noticed for anything outside of being a sex toy.  Whether male or female, there is a bitterness that evolves over time, which is attributed to the other half.

After kids come along, it makes it a lot harder for couples to maintain the foundation of intimacy.  Kids are such a blessing, and before you have them, you could never guess the joy they will add to your life.  Your priorities shift, and much more attention is directed towards the kids than your significant other.  And let’s face it…It’s just harder to find the time, or the place to get freaky when they are around all the time (ladies, feel free to substitute the word romantic here).  But there still has to be a balance.  We all know it and have told ourselves many times, maybe enough times to make ourselves believe we are doing something about it, even if it is a passing thought.  But there has to be an effort for something to change.

This is where is gets a little hairy.  After a long hiatus, one partner may make an attempt, say a date night.  Problem is, your partner is so used to being treated another way, that there are these walls in place.  With the extra effort in overcoming the walls, sometimes this gets frustrating, or could even lead to a fight.  So next time, how do you feel about making more of an effort, and having your face shoved in it?  Not so good, probably.  So now, the next time you think about making an effort, it takes that much more will power to decide whether or not it is worth it.  We are all taught that hard work and effort can overcome anything.  Damn that!  It may work at the office, but a relationship with another person is a whole different matter.  An emotional situation cannot be solved with logic.

So let’s get to the good stuff.  That personal, juicy stuff that nobody is comfortable discussing.